like my life? fuck no

Have I updated in forever? No. Are people still on livejournal? Am I? No. My loggin keeps failing.

So what am I up too?

Quit my job, attempted to move to city, lasted all of three weeks with inlaws, came home depressed. Got a new therapist again because they cant retain anyone, got a new receptionist job. Like the people, bored and dumb as fuck. My french skills or office organizing are not up to par but Im there until my stress kills me or the mat leaver comes back.

Watched Avengers Age of Ultron. Not that great.

Miss the radio and creativity. Dont miss the place, people who are neighbors and cant acknowledge a hello, and general fucked.
Havent seen my former co-worker friend or the out sick manager who is still off. That I feel bad about.

Made a new friend who walks lots. And another who paints. New hobbies!

Avoiding old friends. Same old hobby.

Rented an apartment. Im on month 3 and havent moved in. Its my escapist place but terrifies the fuck out of me to be alone and manage myself. Plus no pets.

Therapist says I dont push enough. Therapist is idiot who does not understand I work and barely eat, sleep (or oversleep 14 hrs at least once or twice a week), and wash my clothes. They make me so mad with the we cant help you, when you are half suicidal, because well... you have to outsmart your own fucked brain who thinks negatively by using the techniques you researched and the drugs you had to research and your willpower. While they cant remember how to bring a pen and paper for "goal planning". Cause heaven forbid they talk to you about events in your week as in what was up, and how it made you feel and offer a sort of armchair sounding board of feedback. Or practice meditation with your to get out of your head. Or walk. Or even let you sit in the fucking room you like.

I have more problems from 3 to 5 incomptent therapists and their frontloading me with newfound anxiousness over every little way to handle my fears when I just wish theyd shut the fuck up and let me process. And you cant say that without them telling you your wrong, your avoiding. But dont tell them and you are still avoiding. Le fuck?

I had a rough day.

In better news, I have faster net and Netflix. Sure its Canada but still awesome!

And I was rewatching Inuyasha... whoa they really changed Kikyou and villianessed her up.I dont mind evil Kik but it kills the early romance moments. My favorite romantic moment with the "Naraku wont touch a hair on your head" and Kagome seeing the love on Inuyasha's face got butchered. NOOOO!

Vidders help?

Is it proper to ask vidders the comm for help getting software? Essentially I signed up for Festivids while resigning from my job and possibly moving. Go me.

I have my source, which I actually owned a while back but it's Itunes and I tried the trial of NoteBurner but I... i dont want to pay for the source again, I suck at torrents, and I dont want to spend 50+ dollars on conversion software for one vid, my first vid.

Is it ok to ask for help in acquiring free vid tech?


My brain is fried because I'm obsessed with Captain America.

Lord how many times have I watched the first movie and the Avengers? Too many.
My fanfiction hunt is causing lack of sleep.
I go for sadface good guys okay.

So, REC http://talitha78.livejournal.com/304875.html#t5981675 OMG sexy slash and I don't even understand myself but my god it's HOTT

My internet skills aka the lack, and living in the hell that is my hometown, I cannot figure out how to watch The Winter Soldier. Despite many desperate attempts with Solar Movies. My sadface would break hearts.


I found out some awful news this week. My sweet lovely Sarah dog, that we owned for a year before passing her on to what we hoped was a better home, was put down by her owner because she was too untrained and attacked local dogs. I'm really upset and I don't know how to express it. I feel guilty for not keeping her, though I know she was a handful, I feel we could have done more. Why didn't he let me know? I was so worried she'd get in trouble in a confined town and if she wasn't trained, I even said that and if there was problems to bring her back. And yet, he was a kind man who clearly loved her. Could I have done better? It's a giant what if and why and life sucks.

i don't understand season three

Sansa. She knew the score with the Lannisters. Last year she was suspect of everyone and their political motives and was learning how to mask her wants and who was who.

Suddenly she's after Loras and listening to Littlefinger, while knowing next to nothing about her family situation and being more interested in dates.

This is not moving forward.

Ack I'm working with a bully

and she seriously scares me and pisses me off all the same because my insecurity makes it hard to correctly confront her. She is just so ARGH. But at least at this point I admit it's her.

Advice might be nice. I also want to bitch at someone who is not local and therefore a possible gossip.

Ranma 1/2; Is Akane really interested in Martial Arts?

One of those things that has always nagged me when reading fanfic or anime review watching, is the prevalent idea that Akane has to power up to play with the others. Especially in the fiance game it always seems inevitable that in order to keep the love, in some way earn or defend, Akane has to kick ass too. There's always this drama and conflict in fanfic about her being strong enough, or enjoying the crazy fights and rivalry or wanting to be better. WHA?

That really strikes me as odd. It's not a concept I mind, but it also doesn't fit with the character I see in the manga. Cause here's my radical position: I think Akane is super happy not fighting others in the rival of arts, or even fighting at all, and that she has no problem with the traditional roles aka Ranma takes the fights and she'll cook.


With cheer?

Never do something nice for someone at the exspense of yourself, your heart and mind and health and shreading soul, because they never return the favor. They hound you to death.

I want comments!!!


Give me the title of a story I've never written, and feedback telling me what you liked best about it, and I will tell you any of: the first sentence, the last sentence, the thing that made me want to write it, the biggest problem I had while writing it, why it almost never got posted, the scene that hit the cutting room floor but that I wish I'd been able to salvage, or something else that I want readers to know.

(no subject)

Meme taken from sdwolfpup !

Give me a fictional character and I'll tell you why they suck;

- flaws
- exactly what they did wrong in the plot
- basically why I hate them (even if I love them)
- bonus points if it’s one of my favorite characters

Got Me Twisted

About this time last year I was coming out of a major depression attack. So to help move on with life I've been working different employments, spending lots of time with my relative's younger kids, and re-connecting with friends in town. Doing local. I think I feel better sometimes but it's often day to day.

I don't know how active my friendslist is now. Hope you are all well. Hope to maybe make some new LJ friends too but the truth is I'm not super committed to online LJ. I wanna talk and play, although I still love my same fandoms and still have 32k. I have spent the past year very busy offline and while I did get my Val Lewton Horror Collection, I haven't gotton into new fandoms or movies. Hunger Games novels maybe. Game of Thrones? Crappy reality TV. I'm still into my little niche things that aren't on LJ that I can find. But that's no reason not to have fun.

Hence another sign up to Spook Me!

Sign ups: September 8th - September 15th

Anyways, still here.